Monday, January 04, 2010

For your sake, I will not pull a Bridget Jones and bust out the chorus of "All By Myself." Yet.

So, that happened.

It's a little tough to sum up exactly what has happened since my last post. Just after I wrote it, the BassMaster and I retreated to our separate camps to tell our families that we planned to separate.


They freaked.

My father-in-law sent me four emails telling me that he just didn't know what to say, that he wished he could fix it, how sorry he was that he was a poor role model. This is not your fault, I wrote back to him. It's his fault and my fault. Divorce is the last thing I want, but I can't survive in marriage without love. I can't teach the girls to settle for someone who doesn't love them back.

In case you haven't noticed, the men in my husband's family do not emote much. However, when my father-in-law read my reply, he bawled.

In front of his boss.

My parents spent the whole day with their heads in their hands, my sister-in-law called the BassMaster a douchebag, and my brother literally - literally - wanted to kill him.

It was a bad scene, to say the least.

Eventually, the BassMaster and I found ourselves sitting alone at his parent's kitchen table. I crossed my arms and silently tried to kill him with my eyeballs.

"This might have been a really bad idea," he said.

So then the two of us did this weird, antiquated thing.

We went for coffee and talked. And talked. And talked.

He agreed to do 6 months of marriage counseling, and we both came up with some ideas on how we might - emphasis on might - reclaim the old "us," back when we actually kind of liked each other and weren't so pissed off at the world.

Anger is so freakin' exhausting, anyway.

Are we fixed? Hell, no. Am I feeling a bit frustrated and jerked around by the whole thing? Yep. Might we fall apart anyway? Sure.

But this much we agree on: there's a spark of something between us. We owe it to the kids (and each other, I suppose) to see exactly what's behind it.

If we end it, we can end it knowing that we at least tried.

It's enough. For now.


LisaVan... said...

You are the most courageous woman I have ever met and I have a better person having you in my life.

H F W said...

I am so glad you are both in for working it out. I know more than a handful of marriages that have emerged from tough times stronger and better than before. And that's my prayer for yours.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I truly wish you the best.

Mama_Yarbro said...

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us....your bloggers and friends.
I love you and the girls and want NOTHING more than for you to be happy, safe and content.
Here's to trying! Loves!

Alison said...

LOVE YOU!Thinking about you!

Issas Crazy World said...

Am in this same place. Except for us, there is no hope.

Hope that you are able to work it out.

Sharon Cole said...

I will keep your family in my prayers. The fact that you've talked about it and are going to give things a try is a good step.*HUGS* However things work out, I will pray it's what's best for both of you and the girls.

mrsjeieio said...

That's great! I wish you best.

Ryan and Kim said...

I am praying so much for you guys. I am hoping the counseling can bring the joy back for you and the kids. Thinking of you often!

Kelly said...

Lisa, you and your family are in my prayers. I havent told many people because really, I havent had the chance too or alone time with anyone to do so, but my DH and I are also going to start marriage counseling. We did it once several years ago, but things just havent been good for a while now. I hope you and DH are able to work things out. I feel the same way you do. At least if it doesnt work, it wasnt for lack of trying. ((HUGS))

Leila said...

Just wanted to send you my support. You are not alone.

Michelle said...

You're very brave to share this, and beyond courageous to be so honest and open. I hope the time you spend trying to sort this out with him truly ends up answering many questions and lighting any flames that have dimmed through the years. Marriage is surely the most difficult thing and further complicated when kids are born. My husband and I have struggled on and off. So many things have changed since becoming parents. I think if you're talking to each other, this is a good sign. It might not work, but maybe it will. Its worth a try, and if it doesn't you'll know you tried. I've read your blog for a while now, and I just want you to know that I admire your humor, and your honesty thru such a painful time. Many, many hugs to you.

Pam said...

I wish you all the best. I pray that you find peace in all this. You are such an amazing woman. I am blessed to know you. You truly touch me through your writing and sharing. I hope that no matter what happens or where you go, you continue to inspire others and touch their lives. Love to you!

Mama Roho said...


Robyn said...

You are awesome Lisa - whatever happens, you will have a happy ending!! Marriage is so incredibly hard, and I just want to punch the people who make it look easy. Write your heart out if you need to - we are all here for you..even though Im in CA and we havent seen eachother in YEARS, you are in my thoughts and Im sending the good vibes your way :)